i don’t think i realized or even thought about the fact that things may not go my way when applying to this program. i just had come to this ridiculous conclusion that because i thought this was God’s plan for me (which i still have full confidence that it is) every thing would just go smooth. that is not the case.
my goal when i started looking into the NICS program was to be in South America teaching, but i soon found a school through them in Cambridge, England. Who would not want to be in England. i would be close to one of my best friends and have an easier ability to travel which is what i really want to be doing. within a few weeks of finding that school i was already set on going there. a few days ago i was in London and looking online at the Cambridge school. well… the school did not work out. the partner for NICS backed out for finacial reasons and NICS is not finacially stable enough to support the project on their own. this was heart breaking to me. in my mind i had decided that is where i am supposed to be and that is where God wants me. obviously. i had nothing to back this up though.
this whole incident made me sit back for a moment and think. i started this program so that i could make a difference in countries in South America. why was i all of a sudden so hooked on England/Europe? then it hit me. i was thinking selfishly about why i was going abroad. i am not going abroad for me to travel and be comfortable. i am going abroad to make a difference in the lives of kids that may not have everything handed to them on a silver platter like most of us in the states. it was a big awakening for me, but it was something that i needed very much.
it is hard to discern what exactly God is telling us to do in our lives and what our sinful, selfish minds think. being in constant prayer for the Lord to show me exactly where i need to be to do His work best has been my saving grace